I'm Not Forgotten, Though I Wish I Was
by ilovetomhiddleston
Summary: Imprisoned, Loki is lonely and going mad. A very unexpected guest arrives bearing distressing news of Thor and begging for help. Will Loki help save the 'brother' that has caused him the hatred that brews within him? Will Loki finally be the hero?
1. A Visitor?

Tick. Tock.

"Shut up."

Tick. Tock.

"Shut up!"

Tick.

Insane.

Tock.

I was going absolutely, dreadfully, but horrifyingly truthfully insane.

Tick.

That was it, dammit. I got to my feet and used my dark magics to send the round clock that had kept me company for the past six months and fourteen days into ashes. It lay in a dust heap at my feet.

Finally. Silence.

After a minute, I regretted combusting the clock. It was the only thing that kept the room from being painfully silent. It was the only thing that kept me from sitting alone with my thoughts.

Sitting alone by yourself in the dark is a risky, risky thing. Because with nothing to look at, no one to talk to, you are forced to confront every dark thought that filtered through your mind, every terrible moment that you have ever lived, every nightmare, every farewell, every good cry, every time you'd messed up so badly you couldn't even look at yourself. Hell, I was tired of doing that. I was tired of looking in the mirror and seeing the bloody New York face from last Summer. I was tired of feeling every old tear from discovering my heritage. I was tired, a tired that sleep could never fix.

The cell was nothing like my bedroom, my haven. Though I had conjured this and that to pretty it up. The walls for instance was papered in yellow stripes. Anything was better than that dank cement that cloaked me in constant darkness. My bed was a cement block with a pillow. There was a mirror, but I spent too many afternoons looking at the monster that had consumed me that I had to destroy it. There are still shards that I occasionally pull from under my cement bed to glare into menacingly.

Footsteps grew increasingly louder and I darted to my cell window to smile at Rain, the beautiful Asgardian servant who delivered my meals every noon. She was the only person I ever looked forward to seeing. Not that anyone else came to visit. Odin appeared a few weeks ago inquiring whether my heart was still beating, and once he was ensured his precious 'son' was still breathing, he left. Rain had told me Thor was forbidden to seeing me, but I knew that would never stop him. It broke my heart (not that I'd ever admit it aloud) that Thor, the only person who ever had hope for me, had lost it all. Even through my hatred and envy for him, I still found myself crying at night, hoping he'd appear with Rain the next day.

I grasped the bars on my tiny window and called out to the breathtaking blonde coming into view. Tresses curled to her knees as shiny as Frigga's woven silk, and she wore a floor length cotton dress, accentuating her hips and the color bringing out the fabulous blue gray of her eyes. "What's for lunch today?"

"Potatoes and beans," her voice was as smooth as the rivers surrounding the city.

I gagged. "I know, I know. I tried to explain to them your hatred of beans but I don't think they were overly concerned about pleasing their prisoner," she smirked.

With tender fingers, Rain dropped to her knees and slid the tray through the thin slit by my cell door.

"Rain, can you bring me more books?" I gestured toward the stacks of the leather bound books she'd brought me. "I finished the last one you dropped off."

"I don't know…" she bit her lip. "I don't want to get caught. They'll imprison me."

"Please? You know how boring it gets in here."

"Alright, alright. Kick a few through the slot so they won't happen upon you drowning in books."

I obeyed and returned a stack of classics, among the titles being _Allfathers of the Ages, Forgotten Asgardian Tales, _and even a Midgardian book Rain adored, _Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone._

"Won't you come in and join me, Rain? You can eat my beans for me."

"Not today, Loki."

She always said that.

"By the way, someone will be visiting you today."

I tried to wrestle my expression into a look of boredom and expectance, but the news was much too shocking. Instead, I began laughing uncontrollably. "That's a cruel joke, you know."

"It would be crueler if I was lying, Loki. She'll be by in about an hour. She wants to remain anonymous at the moment."

"She, huh? A woman? You're the only woman who will tolerate me, Rain."

Rain giggled, flashing her blinding smile. "I'll be back in a bit to lead her down, and I'll bring some books. I have a couple Midgardian ones from my last visit."

"Bye," I murmured between bites of potato. With a whirl of fabric, she was dancing off again. Just seeing her walk sent me flying half in love with her. Not like I'd pursue her. Not like I'd pursue anyone. More so, no one would _want _me pursuing them.

For the next hour or so I lounged across the floor, conjuring a nice carpet so I wouldn't be lying on cold slab. I paged through books, all the stories now sour and old. I'd read each so many times I could mouth every astounding word before I came across it. Reading was easy; not the act of reading the words but the act of escaping. Leaving this cell, leaving this life, joining another world and reliving someone else's life. No thinking about your own life involved. It was freedom until the second you closed that book.

My curiosity was increasing to an outrageous degree, so it was quite good that Rain's footsteps were heard padding back to my cell. Who could this mystery person be?

A familiar person appeared without Rain, and disgust enveloped my entire being. Anyone but her. Why was she here? Why was she in Asgard? Dear God, what if she was staying in my bedroom?!

Red blinded my vision. With shaking fingers, I used magic to hold the thick wool blanket Frigga had given me tightly over the window so she couldn't see me.

"Loki? Are you in there?" Shuffling papers. Uncertain voice. "Damn, I thought she said cell 56."

A long moment passed. I released a huff of breathe I had held in with panic and fury. She had gone.

"I guess I'll just double-check."

Damn, still outside. Fortunately she had no way of removing the blanket or getting in.

My eyes were averted to the handle on my cell door, which was rapidly turning after two clicks. She had a key?! And she wanted to be in a cell? WITH ME?! Was she stupid?

"Loki. So you are in here."

"Ah, Jane. How it's been so long."


	2. Going Blue

Nervously, she shuffled inside and I watched in awe. Such a fool, to turn up without a guard nearby, into Loki's vault. And she closed the damn door behind her! It was almost as if she trusted me, something only Thor did, and he hadn't even held trust in me for over a year. Gritting my teeth, I couldn't even face her. Disgust rose heavy in my throat and I needed to sit down. She was the one. It was _her._ She changed Thor from the brother who once loved me like the sun did the moon to this cold hearted man who wouldn't even acknowledge me. Sure, maybe I did destroy a city and kill a handful of Midgardians and attempted to enslave the human race. But people make mistakes. Hell, even gods make mistakes.

Plopping down on my concrete bed, I couldn't even feel the pain through my pounding heart, blocking out all of my senses. I breathed in and out deeply, thrusting the air from my chest too quickly. I pulled the words my therapist had taught me from the back of my mind to calm down. Jane just watched nervously through my panic attack. Out of EVERYONE in Asgard, Midgard, out of all the damn nine realms, it HAD TO BE HER?

"Loki, something has happened to Thor?"

"And you think I care?"

My voice was colder than ice. I could hear her sharp intake of her, though it was obvious she wasn't surprised.

Truthfully, I did care. Very much so that my heart that I had tried so hard to calm down rose to its quickened pace once again.

"Yeah, I do."

"Is that so?"

"Yep."

Anger swelled throughout my body, something I hadn't felt for weeks. Being locked away wasn't so bad, I decided. I could at least be alone, not surround these kinds of people around myself.

Finally leaping to my feet, I shouted through the window, tearing the blanket I had held there with magic away. "RAIN!" I called, so loudly I heard the grumbles of neighboring inmates. "RAIN, COME QUICK!"

"Loki!" Fiercly, Jane shoved me from the window with her hip, and I was so taken aback by her strength I didn't even fight back. Not that I'd fight a woman, no less a Midgardian. Eyebrows raised, I stared into her face, searching for something that was missing.

"Wow," I smirked. "You are one tough human."

A chuckle escaped her teeth as she broke our eye contact. "I try."

Following her lead, we both sat cross legged on the floor, this time allowing her to speak to me. Even through my fury towards her, I could manage a conversation, just to learn of Thor's condition. "So…" I began. "Thor."

"Yes. He was taken to Jotunheim. No one knows why and he hasn't returned in three days. Odin refuses to send any troops so I'm taking matters into my own hands."

"Is that so?" her words shocked me. What could a human possibly do in Jotunheim? To save Thor, no less? "What do you think you could possibly do to save him?"

"Not me… you."

"I'm locked away, Jane. For another two and a half years. Will you free me?"

She got to her feet, a new energy sweeping through her face. "Yep."

"Ah, if you think you can trick Asgard, you must be a fool."

"I know. That's why I have some other people involved." Placing her head through the bars on my window, she whistled so greatly I had to shield my ears. Within seconds, Sif, Hogun, and Heimdall surfaced.

I gaped. These people hated me! Wanted me dead! They all raised their hands when the final vote arose, sticking me in jail for three years. "Even Heimdall?"

"Only for Thor. This has nothing to do with you."

"Of course this has to do with me!"

"Listen. You're going to go to Jotunheim and tell them you're tired of being Asgardian and you're ready to embrace your inner blue." I rolled my eyes. What a dumb way to put it. "Once you get inside and accepted, find Thor and release him."

"He's already dead, I can guarantee it," I replied, loving their reactions. Jane went sheet white and Sif clutched her heart. Heimdall was the only one who remained at ease. "I'll do it. But…"

Sif scoffed. Hogun pursed his lips expectantly. Heimdall rolled his eyes. Jane narrowed hers. "But what?"

"Only for something in return, of course."

"We can't do much with you in prison."

"I will only help…if you released me, obviously. And let me use the bifrost whenever I demand."

"We can't release you, and you know it."

Heimdall jumped in. "And I don't let anyone use the bifrost on demand, not even Thor."

"Wow, I'm shocked," I chortled. "Welp, you can all be going now."

"Loki, please," tears threatened to fall from her brimming eyes. "Please."

"If you know anything about my history, you should've realized that you can't play the sympathy card on me, nor will tears help. I've told you my conditions, and if you want my help, you will meet them."

"We'll do it," Hogun responded. "We'll release you, and you can use the bifrost on demand."

I smirked. Hogun always caved. Heimdall, the fury of an army dancing in his eyes, turned to glare at Hogun, the traitor.

"Not on demand," Heimdall added. "But I will be much more lenient."

"No time to chat. Let's get moving."


End file.
